Dominance of time over my life

As the days are passing by it seems the heaviness of reality is gradually weighing down all my latent desires and dreams that I had few years ago. The unprecedented work pressure unlike past days barely gives me time to derive the aesthetic pleasure from literature. Nowadays, I no longer make an effort to look at the blue shining sky from my window where the glittering pieces of white clouds float around all day long alongside the flying birds. The burning afternoons of summer now do not motivate me to recall my childhood days anymore. The gusting wind in the scotching heat of summer unlike old days no longer makes me feel nostalgia at all. It looks like that the cruelty and reality of life have dampened all my passion.

Life appears quite dull to me now, there is merely anything that charms or makes me feel enchanted within. The bygone days often to and fro in my gloomy mind these days, when I motionlessly lie in the dark room every night. It seems during the childhood days there was an invisible thread in life that kept connected every chord to maintain the harmony of life. But, with time that invisible thread that maintained the equilibrium perhaps vanished from my life and as consequence, I lack any such harmony that was there in past. The life has become so mechanical and monotonous for me that I do not possess the longing in me to sit and read a novel for a long time these days.  Although I can sense that burning desire to relive life once again yet, the heaviness of life overpowers all such impractical desires from my heart.

Apparently, I need to run every moment now; the run which is for only survival. I think what we were taught as a kid that ‘with time we become self dependent and start to have control over life as we grow older” is nothing but just a paradox statement of what we face in reality. I can comprehend that as I am growing old my control over my own time is gradually getting out of my grip. It is just another form of slavery that I am going through these days. Like slaves, about whom we read in history, now we no longer possess any authority over our own life and time.

There was indeed immense rapture in being little unruly and indiscipline in the bygone days. I could loudly proclaim that my times were my slave and with time the situation has flipped around forcing me to accept the rule of time over my life. My life at present is just a perfect package, that is wrapped in a well neat wrapper, where it all shines from outside but dull within. I, perpetually seek for the pleasure that life once extended to me in reading books and I desperately long to make life little unruly once again that would offer me unbounded and abandoned of joy at every moment.